My "Tale" Thus Far

The 'Tales' series has been one of the greatest selling RPG series in Japan since the first inception way back in the early 1990's. It's almost as if creating a game with the word 'Tales' placed in the title is a sure-fire way to A.) make some dough and B.) sell a few hundred thousand units. Well, if we go by those two standards alone, Tales of Vesperia has already checked both of those boxes off in its first week of release in Japan. In this months NPD numbers Tales of Vesperia has sold over two hundred thousand copies and (here's the kicker) served as a conduit for 360 console sales in general. Confused? Try this out: Vesperia is a 360 exclusive [for now] and the only way for Japanese "Tales" fans to get their hands on the game is to by an XBox 360...and buy they did. On August 27th (this past Wednesday) the usual entourage of video games were released to U.S. store shelves; Tales of Vesperia was now accessible to the series loyal fan base back here in the states.

Lets do a quick check list:

• Gameplay Mechanics - Check
• Storyline - Check
• Fast Paced Real Time Battles - Boo-Yahh
• Beautifully Lush Environments and Graphics - Ding!

These are just a few (emphasis on few) of the positive points that I have come across since picking up Tales of Vesperia this past Wednesday. To date, I am roughly 10-12 hours into the campaign and I can honestly say, "Finally, the XBox 360's first great RPG!" Namco-Bandai (developers/Publisher) have yet again created an atmospheric thrill ride with Vesperia. Through breath-taking 'anime' cut scenes which show the vibrancy of the world to the ambient subtlety of each characters look; you cant help but realize that Tales of Vesperia is the best looking RPG to date on the 360.

Mechanically, the game is brilliantly conveyed through simplistic controls that make it easy to perform combo attacks as well as magic. Each character can be mapped to the controls right analog stick for easy control over each of your A.I. counter parts. By doing this it allows the player to enter a battle and not have to worry about micro-managing your team-mates. Simply map the desired characters magic power or strike you want to the analog stick, flick it in the up/right/down/left (which ever one you mapped) and watch the attacks flail around you! It's very enjoyable to watch as Yuri (main character, who you control) performs a multi hit combo but also has commanded Repedde (his dog companion) to come in and perform his own magic attack (Sonic Fang is my favorite right now).

The pacing is extremely fast once you enter battles. Basically, if you see a monster on the screen or world map you can choose whether or not to "encounter" it. This alleviates some of the stress associated with random encounters; seen in almost every other RPG out there. With this in place you can level grind whenever you want!

Story wise; I cant really discuss much seeing as though I'm only about 10 or so hours into the main quest. I will say that the story has been consistent and pretty easy to follow. One point of interest is that you can speed through the cut scenes if you so choose to do. You can also speed up the text speed, causing the characters to talk a little faster...a nice little touch in my opinion for us who want to follow the story and for those who don't.

All in all, Tales of Vesperia looks, feels and plays excellent. It wasn't a fluke when I listed this game as the number four most anticipated game of 2008 for me. Still, it is very early on in the game, in fact Vesperia boasts a 40-50 hour campaign and an additional 10-15 hours of side missions to boot. Time will tell if the game falters off track or stays on par with my first impressions...Here's to hoping the latter of the two prevails.

Look for a full review of Tales of Vesperia within the next week.

Until then.............

-GAME HARD-

Too Human Review

5.5, 68%, 3/5, 70%...These are just a few of the scores that Too Human has acquired since its release last Tuesday. "The story is just not all there!" "The camera is on par with Ninja Gaiden 2's." These types of lackluster scores and statements have put a bloody "disapproval stamp" all over the aura and libido that is Denis Dyak's Norse Mythology dungeon crawler. Having played through the entire campaign; spending an extreme amount of time looting, level grinding and playing an occasional co-op game, I can honestly say I'm satisfied. However, that's not to say this game doesn't have its fair share of problems that every gamer should be aware of.

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Quick Wiki: The player takes on the role of Baldur (voiced by Crispin Freeman), one of the Aesir. In Too Human, the Norse gods are cybernetically enhanced humans. Baldur, son of Odin, is one of these gods and it is his duty to protect the human race from an onslaught of an advancing machine presence determined to eradicate all human life. The story chronicles the ongoing struggle between cybernetic Norse gods, the invading machine presence and mortal men, featuring many Norse gods and characters from Norse mythology including Thor, Loki, Odin, Heimdall, Freyja, Hel, and Mimir. Yggdrasil: the Tree of Life acts as a gateway to an alternate world known as Cyberspace that is accessed through the advanced technology of the gods. The human gods are using cybernetic implants to supplement their own abilities, thus becoming more machine like. Conversely, the advancing machine army is harvesting human blood and limbs in an attempt to become more human. Baldur, the main character is viewed by the other Norse gods as being insufficiently enhanced, thus "too human."
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Reviews aside, I'm going to make things awfully clear right off the bat: Too Human's faults definitely out way its attributes. Technically speaking the mechanics of the game work pretty well. In fact, the sheer speed of the battles is sometimes so profound that on multiple occasions I found myself pausing the game to take a breath...eventually realizing that I just killed damn near close to a hundred zombie mechs in less than a minute. The battles flow extremely well and give you the sense that Baldur (main antagonist) is one tough Norse God. Basically, you perform these sliding attacks that are triggered by pressing the right analog stick in the direction of the enemy. Once the slide is triggered your combo meter commences and you trigger one hell of a romp sliding from one enemy to the next at the blink of an eye. Battles are fast, frequent and extremely satisfying...Unfortunately, this brings me to the games most tedious and malignant con.

In each section of the story you pretty much mindlessly grind out four to five sections per level; meaning there is roughly four or five sections to each level. The battles happen frequently, which is good seeing as though it takes your mind off of the pretty bland backgrounds and ambient settings. However, the biggest issue associated to this game for me was the balance of said battles. At the beginning of the game (i.e. the first level) this issue wasn't as prevalent seeing as though its your basic run of the mill tutorial stage to get the controls down. After that brief introduction the games A.I. balance flew off the charts. It became extremely hard to take down foes that you were easily handling in the previous level. All too frequently I found myself running around each battle trying to find some health orbs in order to even attempt to cope with the monstrosities that lay ahead. If I didn't find said orbs it was good by baby and time to watch the excruciatingly long, un-skipable death sequence that played out each time you died (twenty seconds long and that's no lie).

The camera also has it's fair share of issues as well. Multiple times it would stick to walls, twirl around you in a jaunting whirlwind leaving you half in a wall and half out. These types of things are what truly broke up the overall fun nature of Too Human. You can set the camera (which isn't controlled by you) to a few different settings like "ISO-metric," "Far," and "close range," but all too often I found myself agitated at the fact that I didn't have any control over the camera angles.

There are, however, some extremely bright points to Too Human. I know this 'line' is used far too often and abused by many aggregated gaming sites out there, but I'm going to say it: "If you liked Diablo, you will like Too Human." The statement couldn't be closer to the truth. There are endless variations to each level to traverse and will take you a while to truly experience. There are hidden doors, chests and even battles throughout each level and this is where the game shows its true premise: exploration...and with exploration comes the Loot!

Too Human offers up endless options to cater Baldur with and it all starts at the very beginning of the game. You've got five different character classes to choose from (more are on the way via XBox's Live service):

Berserker - Melee master, able to dual wield melee weapons
Champion - Well rounded character, master of air attacks
Defender - Increased armor and health, resistant to knockdown, and may use shields
Commando - Master of ranged weapons, ammunition capacity increased
Bio Engineer - Only class able to heal self and/or allies

After choosing your poison there's pretty much only one other 'extremely' important choice to make (besides what to equipment Baldur with) and that's whether or not you want to be A.) Human or B.) Cybernetically Enhanced. I chose [Cybernectically Enhanced] and had a blast with the options this choice opened up for my leveling up "attributes tree." It was great hearing that leveling up sound and then going into your skills tree and souping-up multiple magic spells or 'roiding' up your strength level. Very satisfying, indeed.

Learning The Skill Tree is Half The Battle...

My last two points of interest are what I feel were the best parts of the game: The Loot and the co-op. There are over six different sub section of equipment that you can manage and within each section there are thousands of different equipment types to choose from; the same goes for the weapons. The underlining point here is that each piece has its very own unique identity; they all look different. This hand feeds the replay value of the game ten fold. You want that "Lvl. 99 Hammer of Death" that's two times the size of your body and could scare the 'bajesus' out of Jesse "The Body" Ventura? You gotta work for it bub. You gotta find that secret cavern, you gotta explore, level up and basically pimp Baldur out to look like the Norse God he so deserves to resemble.

I know the review is hitting the long stretch here but the last positive thing that I took out of Too Human was the co-op. I got some hands on time with this features just the other night for the first time and had a blast with it. There really is nothing like being able to go into a battle with a friend via XBox Live and kicking the ever loving "dankness" out of those mech baddies. Though the balance issue is still prevalent, it takes a back seat to the true nature of what the co-op offers: having fun! On multiple occasions I found myself hitting a goblin in the air and watching my teammate then plug him full of ammunition while still airborne...excellent!

Too Human does show its' true power in multiple parts of the game however the bright spots get pushed to the back of the bus by its overwhelmingly stout and frustrating blemishes. There is however a bright spot to all this fire; the series is planned to be a trilogy. This gives Silicon Knights (developers) two more shots at perfecting the already tainted stigma that "Too Human is un-fixable and awful." The statement couldn't be further from the truth. The best thing about being a gamer is the simple, "dumbed" down and often overlooked fact that everyone has different opinions, likes and dislikes...it's just finding those out for yourself that separates you from the rest of the pack.
WARP SCORE: 7.0
Until the next Too Human appears...

-GAME HARD-

A Sad Day For Someone Without a PS3

By now, you all should be quite aware of my freighting love, affinity and devotion to the tactical grid-based RPG series known to millions as Disgaea. The first Disgaea (sub-captioned - Disgaea: Hour of Darkness and on the PS2) walked into my life on August 27th of 2003 and has remained my favorite game of all time surpassing the once thought insurmountable Duke Nukem 3D. Yes, it dethroned the Duke. Having played only one grid-based tactical RPG before Disgaea (Final Fantasy Tactics) I was still a noob to the genre. This, however, did not deter me from the inevitable addiction I was about to embark on...and I would never look back.

Try these stats out for size:
Total Time Spent Playing Disgaea Hour of Darkness: 150+ Hours
Main Character's (Laharl) Level: Lvl. 12,338 (no lie)
Rocking Chairs Destroyed After Multiple Marathon Session's: 2 (yet again, No Lie)

I invested so much time into that game that it became an everyday routine where I would have to gain at least (and I emphasize 'at least') 3 levels with my main character. The game was that good, people. The story was witty, hilariously devilish and the voice acting was superb. Graphically speaking, at the time of its release, Disgaea was known as the 2D Sprite game developed by Nipon Ichi and published by Atlus, two Japanese companies who catered too the niche market. Basically, the game wasn't all "fansy pansy" graphics; in fact it really was built on a 2D graphics engine with "home brewed" sprites to boast. This isn't to say it didn't have great magic animations or excellent 'team-up' attacks that made you go "wow" for the first time, it just wasn't on par with the Metal Gear Solid's or the Final Fantasy 3D cut scenes. But who cares, it was the game play that hooked you within minutes of playing out the first scenario.

Holy Lord...ok, that's enough about the first Disgaea. Now, Disgaea 2: Cursed Memories (released on August 29th of 2006) was just as intense for me as the first one was. Same amount of hours and credentials, same amount of "wow" moments. The two games have remained the top selling titles for Atlus and have spawned off-shoots in the likes of Phantom Brave and Mykai Kingdom. Though theses titles were not critically acclaimed like the Disgaea series they still did decently well over here in the states.

Fast forward to the present... Fast forward to the utter sadness that not only befuddles me but angers me: Disgaea 3 on the PS3. You may be scratching your head thinking "Wait, I thought this would be a glorious day for you Overlord!" Well, it's not. Case in point: I don't have a damn PS3 nor do I foresee myself getting one until Christmas of this year (as a gift from myself to myself). The game, released today (8/28/08), has already been taged with, "The best in the series yet!" by many of the top-shelf gaming web sites and forums out there. Meta-Critic average is already in the high 8.0's but the kicker happens to be the user submitted scores: a bolstering 9.8! With newly added features such as 3 dimensional battles courtesy of the new Geo Block feature, Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice looks to be the best yet in the series.

For me, this is a PS3 selling point. This is the game that will make me actually go out and purchase a brand new system. Metal Gear 4? Nope. Drakes Fortune? Hell's No! Disgaea 3? Damn straight. If you like Grid Based Tactical RPG's and have never played a Disgaea before, you owe it to yourself to go out, find copies of the first two installments (if you can even find one, they are going for upwards of 70 dollars on ebay right now) and play through each one start to finish. And then, if you have a PS3, you need to pick up Disgaea 3 and set aside a few months to grind through the campaign; trust me...it's worth it! Another big note that should be mentioned is that each installment of the series is it's own separate story line. So technically, you could pick up Disgaea 3 and be able to understand whats going on. However, for us hard core fans, they do toss us in some pretty nice nods (i.e. cameos from past characters).

Disgaea 3 - Absence of Justice - Trailer PS3 Player4ever
by Player4everFR

Until I get a PS3....

-GAME HARD-

This Week "In The Box" [8.25-8.31.08]

Wow, what a start to this already! I couldnt be happier with A.) The Triple A titles that have been released & B.) the great XBLA games and service that have come out. If things stay this way (which it looks to be the case) I don't know what I'll do in order to keep dishing out money to spend on said titles! But then again, I will not complain! We, the gamers, have been treated with an allotment of awesome games not just launched this year but in 2007 as well. With that said, take a look-see at the "minor plethora" of games launching this week!

Lets get the "ok" games out of the way first and save the behemoths for last, and trust me there are some serious behemoths! Up first we have: Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2009. Now, some of you may say, "oh man, not another golf game," or "who cares about Tiger and the billions he makes off of putting his name and image on the box art." Please, don't just assume this is another 'golf' game! The Tiger Woods series happens to be one of the venerable if not the most venerable golf game on the market today! The graphics are lush, the game modes are endless and the co-op is excellently incorporated into the game play mechanics. If you a golf fan, you owe it to yourself to either pick this one up from the store or rent at your local Blockbuster! Tiger Woods '09 comes in at a hefty $59.99.

Sloppy seconds this week goes to Need for Speed Undercover. NfS returns for another installment of EA's street-racing franchise and makes a pretty hefty impact on all car enthusiasts! I've never really been interested in this series before (I was always a Forza & Grand Turismo fan) but must say that from what I've seen of this street racer I can honestly say it looks pretty cool. The series does cater to a pretty niche market out there, however, each year the game sells more than the previous...and that's saying something! New modes, better stand alone A.I. physics and some pretty hot looking ladies; count me in for a at least a rent! NfS hits you up for a street value of $59.99

Here's where we start to really pick things up! If you are an JRPG (the J stands for Japan) fan like myself than you already know of the next two titles I am about to announce. Lets go with Infinite Undiscovery first; yes that truly is the name of the game. This exclusive to the 360 role playing game looks to have some promising features to it and has caught the eye of many fans alike. Real time strategy battles, level grinding galore, a solid 20-35 hours of story mode game play and some excellent looking level design...you can't go wrong! Lets just hope the random encounters don't play out as often as they did in Lost Odyssey! Infinite Undiscovery comes at 'ya with a price tag of $59.99

The other JRPG coming to the 360 happens to be the first in the series to appear on next gen consoles and I couldn't be happier. This series is my second favorite RPG series (right behind Disgaea, of course) and has played a huge role in creating the "RPG" beast inside of me. I'm talking about non other than Tales of Vesperia (just saying that name gives me goosebumps)! This debut of the Tales series follows the quest of a knight named Yuri as he investigates a mysterious ancient technology. I'll stop right there. Why? Because if you know anything about the Tales series and the depth the creators and developers create story wise, you would want me to stop for sure. Vesperia taunts its competition with a bolstering 35-45 hours of game play, real time battles, real time environments, cell-shaded HD graphics and some of the best story telling in the market...breath Derek, BREATH! This, along with the next game I'm about to announce just happen to be on my "Most Anticipated Games of 2008" list and that's saying something! Price Tag: $59.99 (and 'Man O Man' is it freakin' worth it!)

Last, and holy lord, most certainly not least we have the long (3 years in the waiting) awaited arrival of the XBLA game: Castle Crashers! It's finally here people, the creators that brought you Alien Hominid have finally released their hotly anticipated dungeon romp. Four player co-op, a blistering 15+ levels, seamlessly integrated leader boards and branded art style? My god, I may never leave my gaming room again! This game has landed itself 2 "Best in Show" awards at E3 and multiple "Fans Choice Awards" over the past few years and now, as of this Tuesday night, we can finally grasp our meat-hooks upon it! It too made my 'list' coming in as the "Sleeper Hit of '08" award. If I had to say one thing about this game to make you want to download it, it would have to be: This game is going to be EPIC! Download the game for a measly price of 880 Micro-points (10 bucks)...so worth it!

Until Next Week, I'll be knee deep in RPG's and Crashing Castles with SS SoulStealer.....

-GAME HARD-

Far Cry 2 Update Interview

Here's the latest on Far Cry 2 in Video Form. If this vid. doesn't make your jaw drop than there might be something wrong with you...seriously. There's a reason this is my most anticipated game of 2008 and could quite possibly be in contention for game of the year, thats right...I went there.

-Enjoy-



-GAME HARD-

5.5? Are you Nuts Gamespot? [explicit version]

Ok, so I just started playing Too Human. I'm about 2 hours in and I have to say something...NO! Scream something: Fuck The Haters! Screw you Gamespot and your ridiculous 5.5 score you handed Denis Dyak's Norse Mytho lotting romp. Are you kidding me Kevin Van Ord (reviewer of the game)? You gave Kung Fu Panda a god-damn 6.5 for Pete's sake and associated more cons with that game than you did on Too Human! KUNG...FU...PANDA!

Breath Derek and collect your thoughts. The more I visit aggregated video game sites like gamespot.com the more I become more self aware of the fact that most of these sites are A.) Bias and B.) flat out retarded. Sure the game has its fare share of bugs and story driven problems but to lace a game like Too Human with shitty scores due to the 'shady' history of it is simply shallow and pedantic.

This is why I now frequent sites like GiantBomb[dot com] and one Kevin Pereira's personal blog to get real views and unbiased opinions. Want proof? Check out Kevin's latest video blog...Priceless.
Too Human: Screw the HatersMy two pennies concerning the negative reviews Too Human has been receiving. Relax: The game is FUN!

Ohh, and check out Giant Bombs response to all the haters as well; follow the link and commence laughter.

Perhaps the best response to all the haters ever.

Go spit haters. The chops are gonna be patched and then you'll come running back.

-GAME HARD-

This Week In "The Box" [8.18-8.24.08]

Short. Sweet. To the point. That's how its going down this week; and yes I know I'm a day late but in my defense...well, I don't really have a good excuse. Did I mention Too Human is out?

First Up: Galaga Legions
The developers who brought you the re-vitalized edition of Pac-Man (simply titled: Pac-Man Championship Edition) are at it again! This time they bring a new look and feel to one of the most beloved 80's arcade shooters of all time: Galaga. Legions (downloadable via XBLA) offers up new High Def visuals, maps and of course game modes galore. If it's anything like the new Pac-Man we can all expect one hell of a great time! This frantic shooter comes in at a mere 800 Microsoft Points ($10).

Sloppy Seconds: Smash Court Tennis 3 (ugh)
Smash Court Tennis 3 continues the Namco Bandai tennis franchise for 2008 and makes yet another showing on the 360. I've never really been a gigantic fan of the series, however they do provide a good change up if your ever in the mood for an 'arcade' like tennis game. The action is fast, frantic and somewhat mindless...so don't be afraid to dive for that ball, soldier! SCT3 sells for a crisp $59.99 at all retail stores.

Last but CERTAINLY not least: Too Human
Too Human is a sci-fi action adventure game from Silicon Knights in which chronicles a futuristic conflict between cybernetic Norse gods. If you've ever been intrigued by Vikings/Norse mythos you need to listen carefully: This game is for you! Though met with some criticism (for having an extremely long development cycle) many believe that the game just isn't for people who don't like a good "loot/weapon/armor hording" romp. Do you like the Diablo series? How about Champions of Norath? Than you owe it to yourself to give this epic title a whirl. Did I forget to mention this game was on my list of "Most anticipated games of 2008?" Well, I did. Now go pick it up an help support a legend: Denis Dyak (lead developer and head dude at Silicon Knights). Too Human goes for $59.99 and is in every store you can possibly think of...get your head out of the gutter, people.

-GAME HARD-

A Bionic Let Down

It pains me to say this. No, wait...it makes me angry to say this; but Bionic Commando: Rearmed is probably the biggest let down thus far in 2008. The amount of hype that this game bolstered had the entire video game world "a flame" for the past year. Hands on demos at multiple events in 2008 suggested that the game was a solid remake of a remarkable NES plat-former that changed the way physics were integrated into video games. Well, you can toss those assumptions aside and hold onto those nostalgic memories because Bionic Commando: Rearmed just happen to be none of those things.

Remember the grappling hook/arm that Mr. Rad Spencer (main character in the first BC game and this remake) had? It was fluently integrated into the schematics of the game-play and felt smooth. You wanted to get to a platform above you? Point, aim and grapple! It felt good...it felt easy. This, for me, was not the case with Rearmed. To quote OXM this past month, "It's either 100% precession or BAM, you're dead." I couldn't agree more with that grim statement. I found myself sometimes yelling at the screen trying to get my damn grapple hook pointed horizontally in order for me to do a "swing" jump to an adjacent platform. For me, this is unacceptable for a game that garnered multiple awards at past gaming conventions. Does that mean we were all tricked by the one level they showed off at each show? Makes you think a little.

The game does however have a few bright spots. It is the best looking game to come out on XBLA to date; it looks better than Geometry Wars II and that's saying something. For me the best part of the graphics were the ambient subsidiaries in each level (the backgrounds). They were so detailed that I found myself almost wanting to explore the backgrounds instead of the level at hand. The weapons in the game are something to praise as well (other than the grapple hook). There are five different weapons you can obtain through the campaign and they all work pretty well in each environment/level. There will sometimes be little shooting puzzles that you need to use a specific weapon for or perhaps a road block that needs to be blown up...simple, yet satisfying non-the-less. Rearmed also introduces a few new game modes as well, though basic in premise, they do give the player a sense of re-playability. The modes are your typical run of the mill grappling/shooting/running race's that could possibly provide the player with the sense to go back and replay some of the mission types; if not for easy achievements then for your own self "slap on the back."

These add-ons, however, never really seem like much to gloat about. Yes, the graphics are pretty. Yes, the grappling hook does provide you with some fun moments. However, it's the pure frustration factor that overpowers the good points discussed and hampers your play through of this long over due re-make of a classic side scrolling shooter. If you could rent XBLA games I would be all gun-ho for this title; but you cant...so be very weary when purchasing this hair-ripping platformer.

"...Pull My Finger!"

Bionic Commando: Rearmed gets a mediocre 6.5 out of 10

Breaking News: The Duke Arrives In September!

The Duke is back and badder than ever. As reported in the September issue of OXM Duke Nukem 3D is set for release on XBox's Live Service (XBLA). This comes to no surprise seeing as though the original DK3D sold millions and has one of the largest and most rabid fan bases for any known video game (I happen to be one of those rabid "fanboys"). I credit Duke Nukem 3D for getting me into "hardcore gaming" and for that reason alone, I will be staying up until 3am Eastern Time on September 9th (the rumored release date) in order to be one of the first to download this epic and monumental PC/ported game.

3D Realms boss Scott Miller has confirmed that the down-loadable version of Duke's 1996 debute is coming with online multiplayer support, achievements, Xbox Live score boards and a 4-player co-op mode. These features are nothing short of surprising seeing as though Duke's true nature was always intended for online skirmishes! "We're really excited about bringing classic Duke to the 360," Miller told the Dallas Business Journal in a recent interview.

One other extremely intriguing factoid that should be mentioned comes from head honcho, George Broussard, lead designer on the legendary Duke Nukem series. In a recent interview with OXM (official XBox Magazine) George stated that it was a "great learning point to port Nukem to the 360." Why, you may ask? "It gave us insight on how to port other future Duke projects to the 360." Was that a 'Duke Nukem Forever' console confirmation? It's been rumored for a while now that 3D Realms was thinking about porting their upcoming Duke Nukem revival simply [entitled Duke Nukem Forever] to next gen systems. However, no news on this has turned up for quite some time now. To hear Mr. Broussard drop that little hint is nothing short of remarkable, especially for all us die-hard Nukem fans.

For those of you who don't know what the Duke is all about, here's a rundown of DK3D for you:

wiki: "Murderous aliens have landed in futuristic Los Angeles, and humans suddenly find themselves atop the endangered species list. The odds are a million-to-one, just the way Duke likes it!" Taking on the role of Duke Nukem, players must fight through 28 levels spread over three chapters. (A commercial upgrade called The Plutonium Pak later added a fourth episode of 11 additional levels, some new enemies and one new weapon modified weapon from Shrinker, now with opposite effect, it expands enemies until they will explode.) As usual for a first-person shooter, players encounter a whole host of different enemies, and can engage them with a range of weaponry. As well as killing aliens to free the Earth, players must also solve puzzles to progress through the various levels. Some puzzles allow access to extra, hidden levels. Duke Nukem 3D is set "sometime in the early 21st century".

Ok, thats enough formal jargon. The Duke (almost always referred to in the 3rd person) is known for four very distinctive things:

1. Kicking Ass & never taking names
2. Swearing...A LOT!
3. Tipping Strippers [yes, there are scantily clad women in DN3D]
4. Using "big-ass" guns to dispose of "tiny-ass annoyances"

The arsenal of weapons that the developers packed into DN3D is among some of the best ever created in an FPS and is still credited today by many as a staple in the shooter genre. How often can you say you just "disposed" of an alien junky with a 'shrink-gun'? Here, I'll describe this one a little better for you: from your weapons cache choose the gun labeled "Shrink-Gun." Point at said "junky alien." Shoot and watch him shrink to the size of a small chipmunk. Then walk over to recently shrunk "junky alien" and stomp him with your boot heel creating a squishy meat sauce. A priceless pay off for such a great weapon!

The Shot-Gun is perhaps Dukes Favorite Weapon

With such great news coming out for Duke fans this past weekend, one can only hope that the upcoming Duke Nukem Forever sequel will also come to the coveted 360. The reason being that not everyone out there can afford to upgrade their PC with the proper specs to run such a high end (graphically speaking) game. Yet, hope is given to us by one George Roussard and his fancy general references to "porting future Duke games to the 360." One can only hope!

Until September 9th and in the words of Duke himself...."Shake it baby!"

-GAME HARD-

The Popular Nation PodCAST Has Arrived!

A quick post never hurt anybody; and thats just what this brief announcement will be. Double Midnight Comics and Warp9 Gaming have joined forces to bring you the best podcast out there. The name? Popular Nation. The game? To inform all listeners of the weekly gaming news, events, releases etc etc. We also talk about comics and whats new in the graphic novels genre. Basically, all things popular in the gaming and comics books realm will be discussed...and perhaps a rant or two by yours truly.

Our first recording was done last night at about 6:00pm and should be uploaded by tomorrow mid morning. It takes a while to compress the track and make it accessible to the public. In other words: "please bear with us...this is our first time doing something like a podcast!"

The p-cast will be available on iTunes or if we figure out how to host a p-cast RSS you'll be able to get it right here on the Warp9 front page.

Until Then......

-GAME HARD-

This Week In "The Box" [Aug. 11th-15th]

It's time once again for the shallow yet pedantic escapades of "Inside The Box." Perhaps that's a little harsh but I'm tired of twiddling my thumbs playing XBLA games waiting for next weeks releases. So, with that said...lets get this week out of the way so I can count down the hours until I have Too Human and Tales of Vesperia in my meat-hooks.

This weeks actually is a decent week for releases, especially for sports fans. With that said, Madden 2009 has graced the shelves of every retail store as of Tuesday (today). Yes, it will set sales records, yes it looks awfully pretty and YES it's basically more madden with a few extra play modes. Meta-Critic Rating as of this morning: 8.0 Is that actually a good score for whats suppose to "change the face of sports gaming?" As stated above there are a couple new modes in the game. The one thats garnered the most hype is the practice 'sim' where you can manipulate the mentality and intelligence of the A.I. Bots you are playing against. Got a death wish? Set the A.I. to hardcore and watch the best of the best get squashed by the likes of Brian Ulacher.

Madden 2009 comes in at a hefty $59.99

Next up we have another Fable II Pub Games. Its another card based number game that if you win you receive cash thats directly transfers to your character in Fable II (when it comes out of course). Not much else to it! Become a millionaire in the Fable world or blow your life savings away, it's all good. These little pub games really haven't set in on anyones radar, however, they have been recieving decent reviews from aggregated video game web sites like gamespot.com and gamesradar.com

Pub Games will set ya back 800 Microsoft Points (10 bucks).


Last up is my pick of the week. With the awards this game has won at gaming conventions you would think it was going for the gold in the Olympics or something. Who knows, maybe it is...but its worth mentioning that Bionic Commando: Rearmed has successfully gotten the attention of millions. It has completely re-done the original Bionic Commando with updated visuals, new missions, better guns, bigger bosses and one hell of story mode. You once again take up arms with Spencer Rad (thats right, Rad) against the evil forces of...Yup, you guessed it: Hitler and his evil brotherhood of goons, baddies and robots. You cant help but be taken back by the graphics this game is packing; and for an XBLA game the length of the story mode is sheer madness! For the developers of Bionic Commando: Rearmed to makeover the classic 2D side-scrolling action game that stars a hero with a bionic grappling arm look this good...bravo.

Bionic Commando: Rearmed will set you back a measly 800 MS Points (10 bucks).

Until next week...Enjoy Rearmed and let me know what you think!

-GAME HARD-